A personal share about my weight
There are so many shame-based judgments about people (especially women) who weigh more than the typical magazine model. Not only shame, but guilt and a cycle of frustration, anger (directed toward self.) In general, there are judgments made about lifestyle, eating habits, exercise habits and other private aspects of life.
Of course, this is no news to most of you. I wanted to open up a conversation about this.
In my own case, over the years I have gone back and forth between being very trim and a little more to love, to recently where I was at my heaviest. I connected some of my self esteem to that number I weighed a and the size I was.
I also found myself trying to find a reason why I had put on weight. I remember thinking that it was a side effect from a medication. I was happy, overjoyed to find that out. I promptly began talking openly about the “reason” for my special number on the scale.
It turns out that it wasn’t the reason as I had thought (hoped.) I still found myself telling people that was the reason, even when it was highly unlikely. I think I was projecting in some of the cases that others were judging me, because I, in fact, was judging myself. However, in many instances, there was a judgment that being overweight is a huge flaw in character. I was lazy, ate like a pig, didn’t exercise, any matter of cruel judgments.
The very fact that I was craving approval from others was a red flag.
Now that I have lost the weight, rather, well on a path towards releasing the parts that made my feet hurt and other troubling symptoms that made me feel unhealthy. I realize that there was, in fact a “reason.”
In addition to discovering I had a sluggish thyroid, I realized that my giving in to the low vibe emotions of shame and guilt and self-loathing/judgment of myself, contributed to the weight that triggered the low frequency feelings.
When I had the weight, I found myself not speaking my passions of health and nutrition to others. That was messed up because suppressing who I was was not only feeding the difficult hole of emotional toxicity.
Non-expression really hurt my throat chakra, which is all about the thyroid. So, I created this be getting caught in the whirlpool of destructive thoughts, and then the cesspool of a stagnant body (metabolism, thyroid, energy.)
I would love to hear from you about your experiences! Either comment below or send me a private message.