I was the black sheep of my family, still am. My emotions have vacillated between freedom and rebellion to sadness and a yearning to “fit in” and be understood. I have done things differently for as long as I can remember, and things have not always worked out. While I watched many of my family members “succeed” and rise up in this world that can be so predictable, I sometimes struggled and felt like I was swimming upstream. I really still do, I have cultivated a different attitude about it lately and I want to share it with you.
Do you fit in with your family of origin?
If not, how did that affect your life in general?
Did it affect something deep inside of you?
I think that deep down we all have the desire to fit in with our tribe. We have that yearning for connection and to be understood and seen. That is just not the case for many of us. Many of us rebelled, and I am talking beyond the normal and healthy individuation of the teen years. I am referring to the adult rebel (like myself.)
It is a commonly held belief that it doesn’t matter if you “fit in.” I am here to say that it CAN and DOES matter. Not in a social popularity contest, but there is a yearning that is primal that everyone has inside of them to belong. It’s ok to accept that. It shows great courage and strength to stand alone and shine your light regardless of what others think and feel, but if you reach and search your true soul, even for the lone wolf there is the desire for a tribe that “gets ” you and to connect with another in a profound way.
This is where we form friendships. This is also where we take a stand sometimes against those who regularly hurt us with their lack of understanding and sensitivity towards who we are. This is where we “divorce” or fade back from our families. This is where we feel like we can’t shine our true light around certain people.
How do we find and connect with a tribe of kindred spirits?
Celebrate your “you”-ness by accepting yourself in your totality. try looking at yourself in the mirror at least once a day. Focus on your eyes and approach yourself in the spirit of love and acceptance. if we don’t accept ourselves how can we expect others to ever accept us. We attract what we vibrate, that means that if we practice radical self acceptance, we will certainly attract people who accept us.
Love yourself. Once daily write down 5 things you love about yourself. it can be a challenge at times. Focus on your body, mind, spirit. Dig deep and write for as long as you can.
Write yourself a love letter. Add to it daily and create a really long love manifesto.
Reach out to others. Make eye contact with others, compliment them even if you feel reserved. Smile more. Comment on more blogs, post in discussion forums.
Change your energy on the inside and make it ok to want to connect with others. Inner shifts affect your outer world, try it and see.
Blessings, and I invite you to either comment or contact me if you want to share your story.