Do you have a vision for your life?


Do you long to be creative but lack the inspiration at the moment?

Have you lost your moxy, parted with your pizzazz?

Do you wonder how you will be able to jump start that inner spark?

Have you been living and thinking small?


Do you have a vision for your life?


I have been there, I have had shards of my vision floating all around me, but it was hard to catch them and put them together into something I could create and dive into.

Sometimes I would have huge ideas pop into my head, and I would sometimes write them down and even build on them, but they would eventually get lost while I was keeping up with my mundane life. I am a visionary and I like to see the big picture, but my ‘big pic’ when I tried to capture it tended to be small in the grand scheme of things, it reflected all of my insecurities. Believe me, I have lived through many failed dreams and have allowed huge things to float away from me.


Through the process of experimentation, failures and successes, I discovered a few things that were vital in the carrying out of my big ideas and living into my vision.


1.  Look at the big picture. Dream big.

Visualize your dreams, feel them, write them down, plan them out. Write them in your calendar and find a strategy.  Sometimes finding a strategy is the challenging part, seek out help  if you’re having a hard time with finding a strategy. there are coaches and teachers who offer one time appointments or classes/groups with others who can help you refine your strategies and give you ideas. These are very valuable and I can tell you from experience that they help. I have made lasting and supportive friendships with others who help me along the way as well as those I can offer help to, the cycle of giving and receiving.

2. Take action.

All of the dreaming in the world is useless unless you act on it. Your calendar dates will pass by fruitlessly unless you act from your strategies. Make a list each day in the morning (or the night before) of exactly what you are going to do to enact your plans and DO THEM. Set up a schedule and stick to it. I will admit that this has been a challenge for me. Since I work from home I have had distractions. I have had to really discipline myself to keep my appointments with myself and it has really helped.

3.  Prepare for success.

Plan out what you are going to do when your desired dreams come true (you MAKE them come true.) If it is about creating more income, where will it go? How will you spend it and where will you put it? If it is about new clients, how will you accommodate them? If it is about creating a masterpiece (artwork, writing or anything else creative,) where will you hang it? where will you publish it? Get the idea? You must have a plan or else you will never live into your bigger vision.


4. Connect with your spiritual source.

Make a daily connection with your inner wisdom, your spiritual guidance system however you experience it. It could be spirit guides, angels, your form of God or Goddess, your inner light, source energy. Follow the tiny voices that lead you into an inspired life. Let go of your static ideas and go with the flow. There is power in allowing, and quiet, meditation and receiving from the spirit world.

5. Have someone to hold the vision for you.

Perhaps this is the most important one. Through my own experiences, having a coach who holds the vision for me, who believes in me and my success and doesn’t buy into my bullshit stories of mot being good enough or capable enough, is invaluable and VITAL. Of course you will get lost along the way, especially if you are dreaming big. A coach/guide’s purpose is not just to cheerlead you, they believe in you and the good ones lovingly and fiercely believe in you and your capability to live into your biggest dreams. They take the dreams out of the abstract realm and help you make them a reality.

Holding your vision isn’t always easy to do on your own, it is ok to ask for help. Join a mastermind, hire a coach, partner with someone who also sees the big picture and believes in your ability to live large.


If you need help in any way, I am here to help. I can either share my own offerings, or help connect you with someone who is a good fit. It is my honor to serve, it is my pleasure to help. Contact me here if you could use a helping hand.







Change happens. How to end a relationship.

When it’s time to make a change, how do you handle it? Do you resist it until it forces itself? Do you get forceful and force it?  Do you allow it? Are you aggressive or passive in change-making?


I am all of the above. Right now I am allowing a change that I have a quiet acceptance of. Coming to the place of acceptance wasn’t easy, I had to summon up all of my courage, but change doesn’t wait that long and sometimes you have to make the change in your mind and energy before it becomes a physical reality.


I have ended a relationship in my head, with my will and I have shifted the energy, now I am waiting for the right time to become more aggressive.

I am searching for a win/win, which I know is there. BUT, if things don’t start moving soon, I will become more forceful on the physical realm. That’s the way I roll (this time.)


Is it easy? Absolutely not! Is it affecting my work? Not as much this time because of my inner energy shift and the cord cutting I received from a dear friend (the same method that I work with when helping others with cords of attachment.)


The shift was immediate, my intention was to no longer triggered, and I am not.

He acted different the moment the cord cutting was complete. This process really is miraculous. I still have love, but it is more pure, less toxic and it is unconditional. I can let go with no bad feelings, only purity and compassion.

I highly recommend this process with anyone who is triggering you in any way, I felt elated and almost giddy. I felt free after the process. By the way, the cord cutting will not end the relationship, it will make it better by removing the toxic energy patterns and the emotional pulling and tugging, leaving only unconditional love. It is excellent when you are either ending OR saving a relationship. 


How will it all turn out? I am still not sure. I know I feel strong and courageous. I am honestly no longer triggered by things that once drove me crazy, but I have made up my mind. I have clarity and I am now free, even though it is still in process.

How do you handle the ending of a relationship? Are you going through this process right now? Are you wondering about a relationship and don’t know how to proceed? 


Does it feel scary and are you unsure if you have the courage to take action?


Of course there are fears. I have been going back and forth between fear, sadness and acceptance, but I have clarity and freedom even though I am smack in the middle of the breakup. Right in the eye of the storm. I now feel even more like a worthy guide, a helper of others through this process. I work with women in all stages of life, especially through shift and change. I help those who need to make changes and create something new.


One of the things I do, besides cord cutting, is I am life guide, teacher and coach. I bring it all to the table and while we are working together, you are the focus. Your life is an art, and you are an artist.  I have created a program called CAST a SPARK, which is designed to help you find beauty in all things. It is the perfect place to be while you are going through any kind of shift, there is abundant support and love.


Cast a spark is a program that will help you shift through change and feel beautiful and worthy through the storm. It is part group, part private, it will support you in creating the life you want. read more here.


If you would rather have more of a private experience, to go deeper, I also offer private coaching. Please contact me if you would like to talk about whether or not this is for you. I have several options, if you want to work together, and it is a good fit, we will make it happen.


If you only would like a cord-cutting, I offer that as a stand alone service, see more here. 


During the Cast a Spark program there are group calls as well as private coaching sessions to tailor this program directly for you, and for many people, it involves (and includes) a cord cutting before any real change can take place.


I feel like I have received a sacred key from the universe, and I am no longer afraid to use it. I feel compelled to use it to help others find peace and acceptance and COURAGE during breakups with either people or situations. Letting go of what no longer works or support you in life.


If you have any questions, please CONTACT me.


A few ways the Tarot lives in my soul

The tarot lives in my soul. I love the art, the symbols, the feel of the cards as they shuffle in my hands, even the smell of the card stock. I love the books and descriptions penned by various authors and the way the cards help me to connect with the person across from me.

Many times the cards will point out something that needs to be unearthed, something that has been ignored a bit too long and for the growth of the one who is asking, needs to be seen and recognized.

Many times the card images evoke a feeling that is hard to define, a more intuitive wind, less easy to explain, not necessarily connected to traditional meanings.

Many times during a coaching session, I pull out my decks, many a session has needed to be an intuitive check in, recap and regroup before we can get on to the meat of the matter.

Once or twice a year I teach a Tarot class in person in Richmond, VA and that is coming up next week!

I will be offering two evenings of intuitive readings as well as two sessions of classes. One a basic (good for beginners and beyond, come with an open mind to learn even if you are a 3rd generation reader.) Call the shop for an appointment (very limited) (804) 320-9200

The second round will be a continuing class. I don’t like calling it advanced, because the techniques will be accessible to beginners as well. We just will be going in a bit deeper and getting more into our innate intuitive abilities and how they mesh with our card work.



If you would like to attend, here is the information.

It will be at: Stony Point Fashion Park, at 9200 Stony Point Parkway, 
Richmond, VA 23235

Number to register: (804) 320-9200


Unlocking the Secrets of the Tarot with Kelly St. Claire

Step by step hands-on learning! Release your inhibitions to intuitively interpret the symbolism of the Tarot Cards! This 3-week class includes how to get in tune; how to dive into interpretation even if you have no knowledge of the cards, tips to help you develop your skills even further, and much more. These classes are jam-packed with hands-on learning activities that are designed to bring you to an understanding of Tarot, how it works and how you tap into it! Before this series is over, you will have experienced the magic of Intuitive Tarot Reading first-hand, ready to practice with your friends, family and yourself! Bring a Tarot Deck, a notebook and pen. Tarot Decks will be available for purchase. If you would like to purchase a deck, come early and Kelly will assist you in choosing yours. Kelly St. Claire is a Crystal Healing Artist, Tarot aficionado, ‘Sparkle your Ass off’ guide, Healing Coach and Teacher and Inner Beauty Mentor. I’m a dancing queen, life artist, creative writer and I have worked with women to bring out their beauty, shimmy and shine for over 25 years. I work with women who are needing a boost, some support, and to find inspiration to make a fresh start. It’s never too late!.

Fee: per 3 week class – $70 in advance, $75 day of class.

There will be a series of two 3 week classes.

Question time!!

What would YOU love to learn or practice in a class such as this?

How to live your life without apology

I used to apologize a LOT. I kept catching myself. I would apologize for even existing. It was sad.

I wondered why I did so. Maybe it was because I was an adopted child, I was adopted into a wonderful family, but on a cellular level I knew I was unwanted by my biological mother. Who knows.


A little known fact about me: I was a ‘love child’, the product of an extramarital affair. I know the entire story through a visit to the adoption agency for non-identifying information. it was an interesting story and my bio-mom sounds like a hot mess (but an interesting one, and aren’t we all?)

I remember a coaching/guide session I had with Lisa Wechtenhiser (the High Priestess of the Woo) and my guides reminded me that I have the right to be here, absolutely! They gave me an interesting assignment to go outside barefoot (which is also called ‘Earthing’, and connect with a tree , allowing the energy from above to permeate my body and root me to the earth. I truly have the right to be here, and my message is important and will help many people.

is that you?



“Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.

But do not distress yourself with imaginings.

Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Betond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the Universe, no less than the trees and the stars;”



You have the right to be here.


I want to share this with you!


I have a free call coming up. You will learn:

How to live your life without apology

What IS Sparkle factor? and how can you have it?

Learn three crucial ways to bring out your inner beauty

Attract others who are in line with your soul’s purpose

Paint your life as the masterpiece that it is

I will save time for a short Q&A session

I will be releasing the cast a Spark Program and there will be a very special offer (limited time) for those who attend the call.

CLICK HERE to sign up.

It will be recorded and to receive the recording you must sign up for a spot.


Please sign up to learn more, I would absolutely LOVE to share my story with you and how I can help you fond your sparkle!

QUESTIONS? Contact me!



Do you have a home office?

Where is your haven? Where do you do your writing, spiritual work and such? Do you have a dedicated space? 

I used to have a desk (a messy and ugly space) down in the corner of my dining room. The only pretty thing about it was the lovely iMac that I call my ‘baby’, the larger screen that allows me to feel enveloped in my work. Surrounding it was an attempt to be organized with no dedicated space for anything. There were mismatched filing cabinets and piles that I knew the order (please don’t mess with my piles.)


When my son moved out I asked his permission to create a home office in his room. I have another room that I use as a dressing room that we can fix up should he decide to move back in.  There was a bit of guilt, but I did speak to him in advance, he laughed and said “of course.”


I painted it turquoise because that color sparks my creativity, and the blue is calming, the green is for growth. My work is not “run of the mill,” so it made sense to have a home office with this color. 

We moved furniture we already had in and it fit perfectly! Now my business is a real business, and not something I do on the side and in my spare time (like a hobby.) I have office hours and writing time. I have my salt lamps and my crystal grids going. I sage regularly. I have my books and a pretty and colorful rug. It is somewhere I love hanging out 

How about you? Do you have a dedicated office space? Where do you work and how does it affect you and your bottom line?



Facing the demons doesn’t feel good, none of it feels good until you make the shift, then..Bliss

Today’s post will be short and sweet.


When you make shifts in your life and energy. When you up level or expand yourself… When you grow, there is the very real chance that those close to you may not be able to hang. 


In fact, they might be mirroring to you old attitudes you have about yourself. Once you change your self talk, you will attract people who mirror the new way you see yourself. The ones who are comfortable with the “old you” will kick and panic as if their air supply is being cut off. This is part of the process.

When my closest one shamed me for my body, he was simply an old attitude I had about my body surfacing for it’s last (mean) gasp of air. Now that I feel loving to myself, the only struggle I have is the fear of loss and change in relation to my relationship “security.”


Sure, all of MY fears are surfacing, but I reached out to three close friends who know and support me with honesty. They are not “yes men” and I can count on the truth.  I want that. I offer that to others and I am finally comfortable in receiving.


This point I have gotten to is a place of calm power. I know who I am and what I am capable and I trust in the process.

People ask me what Cast a Spark is all about, well, it’s about THIS. Reclaiming yourself,  reclaiming your soul and being a beacon of life for others.

It is about BEING your own movement. You create it and then live into it. That is what I am doing and you can do it as well.


I am having a free call on August 25th about HOW to start this journey or stay on the path. How to reclaim life’s ‘plot twists’ and release the drama that doesn’t serve you.


Please save the date (August 25th, it’s a Monday. 7pm EST but it will be recorded)


More on the details very soon. If you want to make sure you see the sign up for the call when I release it, be sure to sign up for my list at the end of this post.

How I became a crystal healer

Do you love crystals? I know I do, they are a passion of mine. I always have loved their sparkle and beauty, and from a young age I knew there was a LOT more to them.

Over the years I collected many crystals and would carry them, hold them while meditating, use them on my altar, sleep with them under my pillow. I just knew that there was more to them than just sparkle and beauty.

At the end of 2011, I made a very import end decision that has affected everything I am all about. I decided to enroll in Hibiscus Moon’s Certified Crystal Healer course so I could learn more about our sparkly allies and to be able to better help others.

Heather Addley Photography

Heather Addley Photography

Quite honestly, I was always a crystal healer and I don’t believe you HAVE to have a class and certification to make you into a healer. The reason I love this opportunity so much is that you do learn the science and physics behind why and how the crystals work. I have been able to utilize crystals better and more often into my life, from building my own crystal grids to working with the crystals on clients, giving crystal consultation and and much more. Hibiscus Moon has even helped me out learning how to weave crystal healing into a genuine business and I have had much success since taking her course.

I am proud to say that on May 22nd, 2012 I became a Certified Crystal healer, and on September 18th, 2013 I became a Hibiscus Moon Advanced Crystal Master.

She is currently enrolling for her Certified Crystal Healer course  (only until 8/27) and has even added new perks and tiers since I was in the program.


Here is some of the info and perks of enrolling in Hibiscus Moon’s Certified Crystal healer Course. 


This is not your run-of-the-mill crystal healer program. This course brings together physics & metaphysics to explain why & how crystals work while also serving up a healthy dose of FUN! you will explore all the newest research & use the science behind crystal vibrations to develop you into a different kind of Crystal Healer!


What does the course include?

  • 8 pre-recorded video webinar-style classes (each approx. 90+ min.)   Click here to view a class sample!

  • 8 mp3 downloads

  • 8 detailed transcripts of the classes

  • An auto e-course that guides you through week by week

  • Ooooodles of class resources

  • FUN suggested ohhhm-work assignments

  • Auto-graded class quizzes for each class

  • 1 integration week, giving you additional time to absorb & implement

  • 1 year membership to our private social networking website/forum (The Crystal Cave) exclusively for students (Crystalline Cohorts) in the program; a community of Crystal Hotties to support you & to create friendships with for life.

  • 1 on 1 Q & A support from our Crystal Coaches for the entire 9 week term in our Crystal Cave Forum

  • Kind & loving tech support whenever you need it

  • BONUS: A full year access to our LIVE playdates.  This is a value of $240!

  • BONUS:  Hibiscus Moon’s highly sought after recipe for her Negativity Neutralizer Spray Smudge so you can make buckets of your own.

Once graduated, you’ll be certified by The Hibiscus Moon Crystal Academy and be sent a certificate that is suitable for framing.  You’ll also receive 18 CE’s from the National Certification Board for Therapeutic Massage & Bodywork (NCBTMB), be able to use the letters CCH after your name, and be given approval to apply for optional accreditation with the World Metaphysical Association for a discounted fee.

The Certified Crystal Healer Program Includes These 8 Classes:

  • Basics of Crystal Healing & Therapy

  • Create Sacred Space & Self-Protection using Crystals

  • Working with Crystal Grids

  • Chakra Balancing Using Crystals

  • Working w/ Pendulums & Sensing Crystal Energy

  • Crystal Healing for Animals

  • Crystal Healer Toolkit: Crystal Energy Tools

  • Becoming a Professional Crystal Healer


Enrollment is now open for the next course which kicks off on August 13th, 2014.



Cutting cords of attachment

What is a cord of attachment?


Simply put, a cord is an energetic connection. It is a toxic, unhealthy connection between yourself and another.

We don’t see these cords, we feel them, and they affect us in profound ways. We have unhealthy cords of attachment to other people, to jobs, even situations. When you find yourself continually thinking or obsessing about a person or a situation, you have a cord.


Cords tie us to unresolved situations or issues. Any time there is relationship that had an unhealthy effect on your life, you likely have a cord of attachment.

Cords can also be formed around (in the words of one of my lovely friend and teacher, Lisa Wechtenhiser of Practically Intuitive,) “places in your life, or moments in the past where you released a lot of energy. If you dwell on a certain location, or time, you lose energy to it, because you are not using that energy for your present time.”
I have had cords of attachment cut for me and the experiences have been profound and healing. Of course the first one I had to cut was that of an old boyfriend who used to physically abuse me. That was affecting my self esteem, and keeping me from speaking my truth because whenever I would express myself, it would not be good. I won’t go into the details but it was so unpleasant I learned to keep my *self* to myself.


After that cord was cut ,  I felt a sense of freedom and was able to unfold into a woman who is able to speak up in all current relationships, without fear.

One of the best parts is when we examine the relationship dynamics. This is healing in and of itself, we spend a good bit of the session processing what lived in that cord.
Cutting a cord with another person does not hurt them in any way, it also does not have to sever the relationship, it just gets rid of the *yuck,* it releases the negative programming so you can move ahead in your life without that unhealthy cord affecting you anymore. It doesn’t stop love or even connection, it just eliminates the toxic energies that pass between you and the other person.
You can cut cords of attachment with anyone living or deceased, whether they are in or out of your life. The process just makes life easier and helps to get you unstuck, and also aids you in “syncing up” with new and healthy relationships!


Is this something you can do yourself? 

Absolutely, there are energetic hygienic techniques that I teach for sweeping away cords. Some will easily be removed, others are more tricky. I usually tell people if it is a minor cord, like minor discomfort with another person or even when there is another person who seemingly means you harm and it is starting to bother you.


For the major cords; deep familial cords, or with spouses or those you have been intimate with for a long time, professional help is recommended.


Is there only one way to cut a cord of attachment?

Absolutely not. There are many ways and techniques. I have experiences several different techniques performed by other healers as well as self help techniques. Yes, they can all be effective.


What is different about the method you use?

One of the most valuable take-aways from the technique I have connected with is that we examine the content and energy patterns in the cords. It is both comforting and illuminating to know what happened energetically. It also helps you see and recognize the same tendencies as they try to present themselves again, so you have a better chance of getting out of the same cycle of destructive relationships. In a sense, it’s like receiving an intuitive reading on the relationship in addition to the cord cutting.


Your hour long session will be recorded if you wish, so you can listen to it later (it eliminates the need to take notes so you can be fully present.)


How can I book a cord cutting?

Here is a link to book your appointment. 

If you have any questions about any part of the process, please contact me and ask away!

How to love your body

Follow my blog with Bloglovin

To Cast your Spark, you must first love yourself, your WHOLE self, and that includes your physical body. Many of us walk around hating on ourselves. Even if you’ve learned how to appreciate your spiritual inner spark, there is your outer expression to consider. If you walk around with loathing for your tummy, or thighs, and hide behind a scowl or a baggy shirt, what you are doing is chipping away at the very threads of your being. You are hiding your spirit, and that is depriving the world.

You are a movement, you can change anything in this world by shifting your attitude inside. It’s not only about positive affirmations, it is about courage, the courage to expose yourself. Total transparency, there is comfort in that.


In addition to the inner work, I am listing 7 important ways to love on your body.

1~Proper Nourishment~

One of the best ways we can love our body is to take care of it by giving it the proper nourishment. Giving the body REAL food, and staying away from processed crap with ingredient lists so long and unpronounceable that we don’t even know what we’re eating. The standard american diet is filled with “healthy” foods that come in pretty packages, and we are so cut off from the source of our food that our children think meat comes from the supermarket and not from a once living thing, and vegetables are taken from cans or from that cold aisle in the grocery store. Know what you are eating, appreciate it’s source and prepare your food with love, care and reverence.


Proper hydration is not only important for our very lives, but it reduces bloating, assists with weight loss, reduces hunger (thirst is often mistaken for hunger) and improves overall physical health.   When you get all of your fluid needs from juices, sodas and other sugary drinks, you are not enhancing your health, rather you are adding empty calories and it affects your blood sugar, causing spikes and crashes in energy. How much water do you need? Studies have given differing recommendations, from 8 glasses a day, to a certain amount per body weight. However, if we are eating a healthy, clean diet, we are getting some of our water needs through our food, so generally let thirst be a guide and don’t force yourself to drink just because you feel it is what you need. The amount we need differs. Replacing those sugary drinks for water is a start in getting in touch with your true thirst. So DRINK WATER!!

3~ Wear clothes that fit~

Don’t hide your beautiful body under baggy and larger than your size clothingThat doesn’t make you look thinner, it eats away at your self confidence and even causesdepression because you are (in a way) withdrawing from the world by hiding from it.wearing clothes that fit make you look self confident, and helps you accept your body the way it is. Wanna change your body? The start is realizing and accepting where you are *right now* and knowing that the only way to successfully make a change to your appearance is to be clear about your starting point. That is why we weigh when we begin a weight loss regimen. Love that beautiful body by appreciating it and wearing your size!!

4~Connection with Positive People~

Who you hang out with has a HUGE effect on your own outlook on life. By surrounding yourself with positive people, their outlook will rub off on you and you will find yourself on a positive and happy path rather than in a negative spiral. You will achieve your goals and have a higher chance of success. If your friends love themselves and their bodies, you will be more apt to love yours. If you are surrounded by negative people who hate on their own bodies, then you will begin to notice all of your “faults” and shortcomings and are even at risk for depression. So pay attention to those who are closest to you and be discerning.

5~Move your Body~

My favorite!! Exercise!! Hate working out? Maybe you are doing the wrong thing. Chalene Johnson (creator of ‘Turbo Jam,’ ‘Turbo Fire,’ and ‘Chalean Extreme’) suggests that you find your “soul mate” workout. That way of nurturing your body through movement that you LOVE and would do it even if it wasn’t beneficial to you. That thing that gives you energy. If you don’t like running, try tennis or dancing. Love lifting weights? Love basketball? Hate spending an hour on the elliptical? Then don’t do it, try something else. (I LOVE Chalean’s creation ‘Turbo Fire,’ which has fun music, incorporates kick boxing and fun dancing as well as great music that motivates.) Hate the gym? Try working out at home! Hate working out at home? Try a sport or even just dancing around your living room alone or even with your kids.



Gratitude is so important in life. It not only helps you really love yourself, but it helps you become more prosperous and achieve your goals. Gratitude sends the message to the Universe that you appreciate the things you have and in turn sends you more to be grateful for. Blessing your meals, blessing your body, making a list of all of the things in your life you are grateful for increases your positivity thus attracting more into your life, from positive people to things and attitudes. Gratitude is a powerful practice. either think , speak or write down the things you are grateful for each and every day. i like the morning as it helps me to have a more positive day.

7~ Accept a Compliment~

When someone gives you a compliment how does it make you feel? Like denying it? Do you negate it by listing the reasons why you suck rather than accepting that you shine bright enough that someone noticed and bothered to TELL you? Remember that when we learn to receive the good things in life, we attract more good, and when you deny a compliment, you are not only telling the giver of the compliment that they are wrong, you are blocking the good things from coming your way. So the next time someone compliments you, try saying “THANK YOU” and smiling, breathe in the positivity and then remember to also notice the positive in others and give compliments out as well. Giving and receiving are equally as important. If you are good at giving but not receiving, then practice that “thank you” and if you haven’t received a compliment in a while, look in the mirror and give yourself one :)

It you want to make changes in your physical appearance and to become fit in Mind/BODY and Spirit, then accept where you are and practice these principles and practices to start LOVING on your body. Your body will respond in kind.

DO YOU HAVE ANY SUGGESTIONS ON HOW TO LOVE YOUR BODY? I would love to hear them, please comment by clicking the link at the top of this post. I would LOVE to hear!!

Do you need verbal intimacy?

Words are great. It’s great to write and reflect, but to share words with another person can be so special, so intimate. The more I reflect on words, I realize that it is a basic need to have intimacy through words FOR ME. The question is, would that be true for most people? After all, everyone has their own unique way of expressing love and being intimate.


Some people show it physically through sexual intimacy

Some people show it through actions, doing practical things.

Some people do it through touch… and so on…

In the book, ‘The Five Love Languages, Gary Chapman brings up the differing styles of love expression, and helps explain the differences and how to express love to each type. Not everyone is compatible, especially if they don’t understand compromise, but I do believe that for each person, the expression of love and connection is a basic human need and connection will show up differently for each type.


According to Marshall Rosenberg’s Nonviolent Communication, connection is a basic human need, we all need connection of some sort, but what about verbal expression? Is it possible to hold words in and still be healthy?

What if your intimate partner is a ‘wall’ and not receptive to your words? Would that make you slowly wither away and die in your heart?


I am curious if this is true on a whole, or if it is just a part of MY makeup?


I am, as we all do, learning from personal experience. Through the pain of NOT having something, I realize that it is a need for me. A basic human need is what we need for survival.

I am in love with words. I love to write, I love to talk, I love poetry/ the weaving of words to create art. I absolutely need to express myself verbally.  I understand that now, it is not a fault, it is like water to me, I will not survive without it. Needing sustenance is no weakness, it is a fact.

Sometimes writing poetry is not enough, journaling is helpful, but it is not enough, it is the connection that is lacking. Sure, others can connect to our words by reading and even being inspired by what we write, but there is no substitute for deep connection that only comes from speaking aloud and being received. Receiving another’s words is also healing. It not only lifts the spirit, it completes the cycle of giving and receiving and creates balance that shines out through your entire being.


That brings us to ‘expression.’  Expression is another basic human need, according to Rosenberg. Without some sort of expression, we implode or explode, it is destructive to mental physical and emotional health.


In my own life, I have recently experienced extreme suppression of verbal expression, and it has not been good for my mental or emotional health. I have acted out and desperately expressed myself in ways I never could imagine. I have felt pain I can’t describe. Is this the emotional equivalent of physical starvation?


I would love to hear your thoughts on this.

Is verbal intimacy important to you?

Can you identify other ways to love and be loved that are vital to you?

Please leave your thoughts by clicking ‘comment’ at the top of this post.